If you’re a B5 fan like I am, you understand this title. If you’re not familiar with the show, I’d say go watch it now! But for now, understand that these two questions form the fundamental existential questions that underpin the series. They act as poles between which people act, forming the complex that is the Self for the characters of the show.
I actually found a very nice write-up around this question here today. Looks like this author has a number of articles posted. Something to dig into and enjoy: a bit of an unexpected treasure.
But these questions have been in my mind a lot lately. Let’s face it: I’ve come to find myself in the midst of one of the biggest periods of change in my life.
There’s practically no area of my life that hasn’t been touched with loss of some kind in the past five years. When I sit down and do the math, I realize that’s the scope of this arc of change I’m in: it really started five years ago when our cat was diagnosed with a nasal tumor. Since that day there’s been a progression of loss that has precipitated change and growth.
Some areas are finally feeling like they’re moving into the phase of positive growth. For instance, Aurora entering my life a year ago has been a very positive thing, and only could happen after some of these losses. Also, the deepening of my relationship with her and the deepening of my relationship and arrangement with Jena both required a loss as well. And that required a loss that I never would’ve thought I could’ve withstood.
Couple these changes with some pretty major changes within myself, and it leaves me to have to face these very fundamental, existential questions. Who am I? What do I want? Because, the answers to those questions that I had in the past simply don’t fit any more.
There are no answers in this post. This post really is about setting the table with the questions. This post is about outlining the likelihood that there will be most posts in this vein, working through these questions.
I think though, I have figured out that this period I am in is truly a crucible because those are used to melt and destroy materials to enable the creation of new things.
And perhaps I’m finally coming out of this period and starting to see the gains at long last.
B5 = Beethoven’s Fifth?
A thoughtful post, as always. I love you.
Wow, followed this back from “Presence” to “Repudiate” to “Words” and thus to here. All beautiful, poignant writing. But no less than I would expect from you.
“With growth comes pain,” I always hear. I don’t know that I totally agree, or rather I don’t know that growth HAS to be accompanied by pain, but it seems that it is often so. What I do know is that if you can see your way thru it, and find the value in it, you’ll come out the other side stronger for it.
(hugs)
Jade